Lapse of Memory
by thirdmetaphor
Summary: Theirs was a romance on stolen time. ItaShi.


**Lapse of Memory**

AN: My province is currently buried under 40cm of snow and I thought, why not ItaShi?

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"You've never done that before, have you?" Shisui asked, all blunt confidence and shock carefully hidden under rimmed eyes as he pulled back. The feel of his cousin's lips still lingered on his, reminiscent of the taste of the senbei they'd brought with them to eat and the lasting looks he'd been receiving for weeks and _what the fuck was he doing?_

"I wanted to try it," Itachi replied. "I hope you didn't mind?" Said like a fact.

Shisui's rattled brain tried to piece together the semblance of normalcy he usually tried to uphold, which was a lot, since the other Uchiha didn't like normalcy and he had to make up for his clan of stick-ups. Finally, he gained enough coherence to splutter out a reply.

"Er, no, not at all. Not like it was my first, or anything." But it totally had been, and Shisui wasn't sure what to feel about that, whether to be slightly weirded out that his first cousin had kissed him, or pleased that the great Uchiha Ice-Block had finally shown some modicum of human emotion. He turned away from Itachi's piercing gaze. "So… is that it, or?..."

"I suppose so. I have to leave for a mission," Itachi clinked his mask back onto his face with the tact he usually reserved for escaping enemy-nin, sparing Shisui another brief glance before turning away. "It's a rather long one. I should be back in five days." He made to walk away from the riverside.

Something told Shisui that this would be some kind of turning point. After all, given the slight scrape of teeth from before, it seemed like Itachi had somehow willingly initiated _his _first kiss as well. But he'd never been able to decipher all of Itachi's vague references and his failures at sarcasm, and the only way to really get around this was to put a hand on the kid's shoulder and give him a cousinly look.

So he did this, and he could feel Itachi's thin form stiffen under his touch.

"Listen," he began in his most brotherly voice. "I'm not sure if anyone's explained this too you-" Because Uchiha Fugaku sure as hell hadn't "- but people don't generally do these things with members of their extended family."

Judging from the dry look the kid was giving him, he had been perfectly well acquainted with the idea, and was now probably cursing Shisui for bringing up his convenient lapse of memory. "I know that. I have to leave for my mission now." He tugged his shoulder free.

"Hah. Well that's good. Have… have fun on your mission, then." He choked out.

Itachi disappeared with a curt nod, leaving behind the taste of senbei on Shisui's lips and the metallic scent that always seemed engrained into his fingers. His departure brought some sort of strange relief, and maybe it hadn't been that wise to prod him in any other direction but _no, _but the knowledge that it hadn't worked didn't bring up as much worry as expected.

And lying on the cool riverbank with his toes pressed deeply into wet soil, face heated by the incessant evening sun, Shisui came to a strange realization about himself.

_Well shit…_

~o~

Itachi kissed the same way some anbu operatives liked to drench their insides with sake before going on suicide missions. This was really the only way Shisui could explain the feeling, and it bothered him more than he admitted, which was already quite a lot.

He wasn't exactly sure when they'd gotten to the point of meeting each other by the Naka river in the evenings whenever Itachi wasn't carted off by anbu. It had been an occasional habit before, but now it was some kind of obsession, and this just couldn't be healthy. Too must of this was probably why their clan was so screwed up. Shisui just couldn't bring himself to stop.

Instead, he drunk the flavour of Itachi's mouth like sweet sake, cupping the back of his neck and teaching him how to tilt his head _justright _even through he'd never done it before himself, and he was really just copying from what he glimpsed while slinking through a red-light district. But Itachi was quick leaner when it came to his body and when they broke apart, panting, with Shisui lying half on top of him by the riverbank, the side of his lips quirked into an uncharacteristic smile.

"Last week you advised me against this. Now it seems you're enforcing it."

Shisui slid off him, lying nearby with his hands laced behind his head. "I don't know. Maybe it's an Uchiha thing. I should probably feel weird that I'm sitting here with my younger cousin while my parents are trying to find a nice Uchiha girl for me, but huh, I guess 'ice-block' is just my type. But I'll always maintain that you started it."

Of course, they'd never actually confessed, and how they'd ended up like this was a total blur. Itachi was too quiet for that sort of thing, and Shisui erupted into eleven shades of red even thinking of it.

"I'm not denying that." The smile melted away, and Itachi's face returned to its normal state. "I know you're not doing it only because they asked you to spy on me."

"You knew about that?" Shisui tilted his head to see him sitting up, arms curled around his knees. He made a lonely figure against the sunshade, but the ethereal quality of the light made him look a little older, and a little less guilt-worthy.

"You underestimate me, Shisui. I've known since the day you started."

In an act somewhat surprising even to himself, Shisui turned to pull at Itachi's arm, trapping him underneath. "You should know that according to my reports, you're the most boring human being alive. I might have exaggerated a little on your meditation hours."

With that he dipped to take his mouth again, and Itachi yielded easily, slipping his hands around Shisui's slightly larger form. He was incredibly firm for a thirteen-year-old. Shisui was only two years older and he still carried remains of his childish softness. But Itachi was none of that, all lean sinew and long bones, a tapered jaw line sharp enough to cut paper, quivering slightly when he moved to lay kisses along it.

It took a long time for him to notice that it felt slightly different from the others times. More desperate, more like a last than one of various others. He pulled back sharply and looked down into his cousin's blank eyes.

"Hey, you'd tell me if there was a _reason _they asked me to spy on you, wouldn't you? I know they're just paranoid about you with all the time you spend with those anbu weirdoes, but if there was anything I needed to actually worry about-"

"Nothing." Itachi replied plainly. "I would tell you, Shisui. I know the wisdom behind not trying to do everything by oneself."

Shisui smiled, still uneasy but slightly more abated. "Well fine," he relented, drawing slow circles over his collarbone. "I'm glad you know." And he found himself chest to chest as he was pulled back down, legs slipping to twine around Itachi's own, noticing with not a little worry that their was a new guarded taste to Itachi's mouth.

But he didn't feel himself entirely classified to ask, because who knew what kind of stuff the kid went through in anbu?

Itachi was the kind of person who worked well keeping things to himself and forcing him to reveal something he didn't want to only stressed him further. Five years of friendship had taught Shisui more than he needed to know. So he figured he could just enjoy their unconventional relationship while it lasted.

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